Snapshot
by evil wicked way
Summary: I heard the sound of his soft footsteps come to a stop and I knew he was listening, silent, waiting. ... So here was my chance.
1. Snapshot

This all started when I found my favorite picture from a cutscene ever. This whole story was evolved a little from that cutscene and entirely from this picture, which can be found here: .  
>Thanks for reading.<br>xoxo  
>Phoenixx-;;<p>

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><p>It was the first time I had ever seen his unshakable optimism fail him. Throughout the entire journey we had all banded together, but he was the unflinching pillar of strength and stubbornness all of us depended on. In that second he was full of doubt, I felt something stir within my heart.<p>

It felt wrong to admit to myself in my head that I depended on him more than others, and that in no uncertain terms, he was my only reason to live at that point. I had lost the only person in my life that I had needed, that I would do anything and everything for. When she was taken from me, I had nothing left. But we were l'cie, too, now and we needed to walk the same path that Serah did. So we hoped we could get her back, that she wasn't beyond our reaches forever. And Snow spearheaded that optimism, the 'we _will_ get her back' attitude. Until now, at least.

And as I turned to walk away from him as he talked to Serah, he muttered the words that stopped me in my tracks.

"We will see her, right?" Snow's head was down, staring at the crystallized tear in his hand. I felt the world crumble beneath me the second the words left his lips. My feet rooted to the spot, all I could do for him was to stand vigil over his grief, his moment of weakness.

His form shook as I reached my hand out to touch him, but froze midway. He wouldn't want my sympathy, my recognition that something was wrong with him. He would rather I ignore it and pretend it never happened, and I knew it. So what kept me from respecting his unspoken wishes? Sheer impulse.

It felt like I just couldn't stop myself as I reached out and laid my palm flat between his shoulder blades. I felt him tense, the heat from the skin beneath the jacket searing my hand. I felt my instincts take over as I waited for him to attack me for intruding. The tension in his body left me on edge as we sat there in a silence so thick it seemed loud, neither of us moving. But then I felt the shift in him, the relaxing of his entire being, and we fell into an easy moment of solidarity.

We sat there like that for what felt like forever when I finally sighed and began to pull my hand away from him. I was emotionally drained and defeated. I needed a break from everything, everyone. From being me.

"Light?" His words reached my ears softly, like a child in sorrow looking to hold onto whatever comfort he had. I stopped moving and responded softly with a "Yes?"

"Please."

"Please what, Snow?" My voice tinged with the lightest scent of irritation.

"Just stay. With me." His voice fell apart in that whispered sentence, breaking down the barriers within me. As his voice asked for me so desolately, I felt something within me crack.

I crumbled and murmured, "Okay", as I settled my hand down against his back the short distance I had removed it. "I'll stay." My heart squeezed inside my chest as I said it, and I knew. I was such an idiot. But it seemed that such a mistake just couldn't be reversed, and that I should just roll with it and pretend nothing changed. For his sake, for their sake, and for my own sake.

I leaned into him a little, resting my open sword against my hip and closing my eyes. I just listened. Listened to everything around me. And I swear that in that moment, I could hear his heartbeat. I could hear his pain, and his heartbreak. His longing and his love. And I was jealous.

My heart ached with loneliness and heartbreak, jealousy and longing. I needed someone like that. Someone to love me so much that their heart ached whenever they couldn't be with me. My eyes watered and I sniffled a little, much to my own dismay and shock.

I pulled my hand away from his back like he had burnt me and turned away as quickly as I could so he wouldn't see me like that. I practically ran from him and tried my best to hide from him for the rest of the time we waited to continue on our journey. I couldn't face that sort of breakdown again. I needed to be strong. Needed to forget what had happened.

I needed him.

-x-

I had thought this pit stop was only going to be for a few hours, just for a break from everything for a little while. I didn't think it was going to turn into an overnight thing. And when I found out, my shame and embarrassment mounted. I couldn't avoid him forever and I knew that.

So did he, unfortunately. After everyone had gone to bed in their respectful sleeping places, tents and such, I stayed up to sulk by the fire. I needed emotional distance to fix myself, so that's what my intention was. But of course he had to show up and ruin my plans.

"Light?" So softly I almost didn't understand what he said. My heart pulled at itself.

"Aren't you supposed to be in bed, like everyone else?" Terse, angrier than I had aimed for.

"I could say the same to you. But I didn't." Quiet now, like I had hoped for earlier. His hand touched my shoulder and I inadvertently flinched away. I closed my eyes in hopes he wouldn't say anything. "What happened earlier? What was that all about?" No such luck exists in this world, evidently.

"Nothing. I was just finished with what was going on. So I left."

"Rather in a hurry, don't you think?" His voice was playful sounding, but I heard the hurt underneath. I squeezed my eyes together, hoping to make the suffering disappear. I wanted everything to be the way it used to be.

"I would say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. I needed to get away."

"That's ridiculous! From what?"

"Myself. Emotion. Heartache and heartbreak. Knowing that what I want will never be mine. I'm sick of always being the one who's solitary. Always." My voice caught and my eyes watered, but I held back. I didn't need him to do this to me. He wasn't worth it.

"I don't understand you. It's actions like that that drives people away! Maybe that's why you're always alone. You never let people in beyond your stupid barriers to get to know you. Jesus, Lightning."

"I'm better off without you and you're better off not knowing me, either." My heart was breaking as he spoke and I needed to just get it all out and finish the breaking as quickly as possible.

"I don't need your shit, Lightning. I want to be here for you. I want to help you, like you help me everyday."

"I don't want you. I want nothing to do with you. I'm too attached already. Please… just go away."

"Light…"

"Don't call me that."

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you." I heard the rustle of him turning around as he began to walk away, and I turned to look at him. His shoulders were rounded in defeat and I felt awful for what I had said to him, how I had treated him. My heart reached out to him, and I knew at that instant that I couldn't let him go.

"Snow?"

I heard the sound of his soft footsteps come to a stop and I knew he was listening, silent, waiting. He was still facing away from me, I knew, because that was Snow. And he only stopped because he wasn't a bad enough person at heart to ignore me and keep walking. And that was exactly why I called to him. So here was my chance.

"I don't want you… because I need you."


	2. Fracture

I had never intended to make a second part to this story, but a few days ago I just started writing it and here it is. This one is basically the same story, but from Snow's point of view. I added a bit more dialouge from the actual scene than I did in the last one but hopefully it worked out okay. I hope you like it as much as you liked the first one.  
>Thanks for reading.<br>xoxo  
>-;; Phoenixx<p>

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><p>I had never felt so vulnerable in the entirety of my existence. Throughout this whole ordeal, I had never let my guard down enough to let the pain seep through as I did at that moment. I didn't want the others in our party to see the weakness in me, I didn't want them to know that it was possible for me to fail them. But standing atop that cliff, holding her tear in my hand, I couldn't hold on to the seams of myself any longer and my grip on them fell away.<p>

It was like the almost unbreakable barricades I had built around my emotions just came crashing down on themselves, fracturing apart all of me. I was in pieces, standing there with Lightning at my back, praying to whatever god there was that she couldn't sense the chaotic maelstrom within me. The last thing I needed was for her to see this side of me, this broken shell of a man. If there was one person in this world that I least wanted to see this, it was her.

"We will see her, right?" I felt torn apart, the words barely leaving my lips before I found myself shaking, my shoulders quivering under this weight.

"Don't go there." Her words were strength to me, veiled under a thin edge of warning. "No room for doubt", her voice, softer this time, still held the resilient tone. I drew from her boldness, telling myself that just for this moment, I could take her courage and her strength as my own.

I was lying to myself if I thought this was the first or last time I had done this. Lightning was a constant source of strength, fearlessness and stubbornness for me. When I felt myself falling apart, I just took her power as my own until I could breathe again, until I was stable again.

"You're right." I managed to keep the waver out of my voice as I conceded to her. She always was right, whether I wanted to admit it to myself or not. In this case, I didn't have the will to argue with her anymore.

Lightning was the immovable object within my life. She was the one I counted on to never crumble and fall apart. She was this unbreakable, unshakable pillar of strength that kept our party moving and continuing forward on our impossible journey to the inevitable end.

Suddenly I felt her hand tentatively touch down between my shoulder blades, and my whole body tensed through reflex. No one but Serah had ever touched me like this and I felt confused, lost in my own mind, as my heart cried out. It felt almost as if the warmth of her hand was burning through my jacket, searing my skin, leaving her own brand on me and I found myself relaxing into her.

After what seemed like hours, my heart began piecing itself back together, my walls mending themselves with her help. I almost thought she knew that I borrowed her strength and perhaps that had been why she felt the need to place her hand on me like that. It was too intimate of a touch to not mean anything at all to her.

Slowly, Lightning let her hand drop down my back, shivers falling down my spine where her fingers skimmed and something inside me shifted. I felt a crack in the foundation of my heart and I balled my hands into fists, fighting the urge to fall apart.

"Light?" I found myself almost begging, my tongue caressing the sounds of her name. I wanted to die for how I felt at this moment.

"Yes?" Her tone was weary, and I felt like a monster for what my heart was feeling. She would hate me for this, for what I wanted. She would hate me just on principle but this made it so much worse.

"Please." I choked the word out, squeezing my eyes shut to block out the images in my head, trying to make them stop. All I could see was her. Her in my arms, her telling me that she wanted, no, needed me too. I knew then to what extent I had been damaged.

"Please what, Snow?" Her tone indicated irritation with me and my eyes snapped open.

"Just stay. With me." My voice cracked, turning into a whisper for the last few words and I felt so desperate to be near her. To keep her with me. And I wished I had known if it was because I wanted her or because she was the closest thing to Serah that I had, but I hated it either way. I hated myself for this.

"Okay," she said softly, placing her hand against my back once again, "I'll stay." As she spoke, my heart constricted painfully, my soul tore in two and all I wanted was to go back to when it wasn't this complicated.

She leaned into me slightly, and I found myself closing my eyes again. I felt like I could hear everything. I could hear her inconsistent breathing, hear the wind blowing through her hair. I sensed a newfound pain within her as she leaned into me, almost resting her head on my back. I suddenly felt so fiercely protective I would have down anything to take that pain away and make it my own.

My heart was breaking as I wondered to myself how it was possible to love two people but only be able to choose one. How do you make that choice? I suppose I already had made my choice, but what if it was wrong? How do you change that? How do you tell yourself to walk away from the one you love for the one you think may be the right choice for you?

I loved Serah so much and all I wanted to do was get her back. But at the same time, I somehow find myself falling for her completely opposite sister. Serah was pliable, emotional whereas Lightning is unyielding and indifferent. How do you have feelings for two such different people?

I wanted to get Serah back, but I needed Lightning to keep me alive, keep me normal, keep me myself.

Lightning's sniffle broke me out of my reverie and just as soon as I was back in my own head, she was gone. She had taken off.

Where had she gone when I still needed her?

-x-

When I realized that we were staying the night here, I knew I needed to talk to her again. I had to find out what happened earlier in the day when she had run from me, and why. My opportunity arose when everyone else had turned in for the night but she stubbornly stayed by the fire.

I approached her with caution, knowing if I startled her, she'd lose her mind. As quietly as I could, I spoke her name. "Light?"

She visibly tensed and I waited for her to attack me, but nothing more happened. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed, like everyone else?" Her tone was angry and it worried me. What had I done?

"I could say the same to you," I started off, intent on acting just as angry as she was, but I changed my mind halfway through and finished with, "but I didn't."

The silence that fell after I spoke was suffocating. I approached her, intending to rest my hand on her shoulder, but she flinched away from my touch. "What happened earlier? What was that all about?" I ventured on, trying to ignore the hurt I felt at her visible repulsion to me.

"Nothing. I was just finished with what was going on. So I left."

"Rather in a hurry, don't you think?" I tried to keep my tone light but my heart was hurting. I wished none of this had happened. I wanted us to go back to the way we had been before.

"I would say that I'm sorry, but I'm not. I needed to get away." With every word she spoke, I felt my heart breaking a little more. She would never want this the way I did.

"That's ridiculous! From what?" I was indignant, pushing for her to tell me exactly what she wanted, how she felt.

"Myself. Emotion. Heartache and heartbreak. Knowing that what I want will never be mine. I'm sick of always being the one who's solitary. Always." I heard her voice catch and I had to stop myself from just folding her into my arms and holding her to me until she never hurt like this again. I had to make myself not care.

"I don't understand you. It's actions like that that drives people away! Maybe that's why you're always alone. You never let people in beyond your stupid barriers to get to know you. Jesus, Lightning." The frustration I felt at the situation carried through in my voice and I knew I meant it. I wanted to be the one to break down her barriers, to make her feel love.

"I'm better off without you and you're better off not knowing me, either." Her words stung and I knew that was it. She would never let me in. She would never love me like I loved her now. I couldn't stick around anymore, waiting for her to say the next thing that cut at me.

"I don't need your shit, Lightning. I want to be here for you. I want to help you, like you help me everyday."

"I don't want you. I want nothing to do with you. I'm too attached already. Please… just go away."

I pulled away from being near her, made myself let go. I forced my feet to walk away from her as I said my final piece. "Light…"

"Don't call me that."

"I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you." I turned my back on her, hating every second of it. I hated leaving her in pain. I hated myself for feeling this way about her. I hated everything about this day. I told myself that this was it. I was never letting myself let go of Serah. She was all I had, all I could have. There was no hope for the one thing I wanted so badly for myself, the one thing I had ever wanted for myself.

"Snow?" Her voice stopped me in my tracks and I couldn't stop myself from turning to look at her, even though she kept her back to me. I knew I couldn't just leave her like that, I couldn't just ignore her. I braced myself for the hateful words I expected.

"I don't want you… because I need you."


End file.
